Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Middle Of Your Heart

It's been one of those weeks. It just kept building up until I exploded. Yes, that's right, I had a meltdown. Level of meltdown: Academy Award. I won't go into all the messy details, but I can tell you it ended with me clutching my pillow and sobbing. It had been coming on slowly. The poison of discontent. It changes my entire outlook and it affects how I treat others. Especially, my family. Little jabs and outbursts become frequent; and it just gets worse and worse until I'm miserable (and so is my family). It completely overwhelms me. Next thing I know, I'm not reading my Bible; not spending anytime with Jesus; distancing myself from my family; complaining both inwardly and outwardly about my life; and I'm angry all the time. In those moments, I cannot see anything good. I hate it. Yet, I let it happen. I allow the enemy, Satan, to tell me lies. Lies that I sometimes believe. But that is exactly what they are. Lies. Meant to make me feel utterly helpless and alone. 

I have so many moments where I feel like life is spinning out of control. And, I'm pretty positive, I will have more moments in the future. Moments where I desperately desire something more. Moments where I feel my life is a waste and I don't really have anywhere I "fit". I think everyone has had those thoughts. 
But they can be overcome. 
The answer? 
There is no psychological analysis or 10-step program to contentment. The only thing that will ever truly make me content is Jesus Christ. Instead of dwelling on myself, I should ask God to give me a deep desire to know Him better. The more I am actively seeking God, the less I believe the lies of Satan. I am ashamed of how easily I can stop listening to my Savior and His truths. Giving my burdens to Him is blessed relief. 
After all, He knows what to do with them! 

From my own experience, it's very easy to become discontent and bitter. I must make a conscious choice to give these feelings and thoughts over to God and let Him destroy them. Because if I don't, they will destroy me. I know the type of person I am when these thoughts plague my mind; and I don't like that person. Christ is alway speaking; always showing me the right way. Thankfully, He never gives up on me! 
I need that kind of persistence. One thing I know for sure is that God is doing amazing things in my heart. I just have to let Him do it. It's exciting to think that as I grow closer to Jesus, I will have the privilege of experiencing the joy, fulfillment and contentment that only comes from Him. And what a wonderful gift that will be!   

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Psalm 34:17-20

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