Recently, I have gone through a series of doctor appointments and tests. After being sick for four years with an autoimmune disease called Celiac Disease, I just was not improving. We were doing everything correct to get the Celiac under control, but yet I was still sick. In fact, I was getting worse. After the result of one of my test's came back, the doctors told my parents that what they believed was wrong with me, was very serious. Another autoimmune disease that is extremely rare and extremely bad. My parents felt that it was, at this time, their burden to carry so they did not tell me yet. They were basically sick and terrified about the prospect of this becoming a reality and were praying very hard.
Yesterday I had another test. The test took longer than it was supposed to take. So, it just added to our fear that something was very wrong. We arrived home last night and not too much later my doctor called with the news. I was slightly antsy, as I waited for my mom to hang up the phone and tell us what my Dr. had said. Eventually, she came into the kitchen and said what the results were. Everything that we were majorly concerned about was okay! It did show what the problem was, but it is fixable. I sat in a bit of confusion as I watched and listened to my parents, who at this point, looked insanely relieved and about in tears. I soon found out what caused this reaction and was, to be honest, horrified. The reality of what could of been washed over me in a rush of emotion. I was completely overwhelmed.
My mind was a jumbled mess at that point. I just had one clear thought.
How much my Savior loves me! He could of allowed me to have this terrible illness but He didn't. I feel blessed beyond belief. Even though I still have a long hard road ahead of me, I am thankful for it. Instead of climbing a cliff, I have a mountain.
In the midst of difficult times, it is easy to go into a dark place. To focus on the negative and have a attitude of selfishness. I know that's how I get sometimes! Yesterday I was just struck with the amazing Grace of Jesus. The unbelievable Grace! After how I had been acting, I sure didn't feel like I deserved it. And the truth is, that I don't deserve it. Yet my all powerful Savior has offered it to me!
Keeping my eyes firmly on Jesus is what I want to do with all my heart. He has never abandoned me and in my many trials I feel His presence so near. Holding me up in a situation I cannot go through on my own. One of my favorite songs says
"I will trust in You. You've never failed before. I will trust in You."
He has never failed before! I know this to be true! When I am weary and crying out to the Lord "I can't do this anymore!" He gives me the strength. I can look back over the last four years of my illness and see His leading. He has lead me every step of the way; and I am amazed at how He has sustained me and all the times He has given me grace! I am so thankful that I have the unconditional love and grace of Jesus!
Hebrews 4:16 -Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.